Wednesday
Dang...where does Dave Barry get his headlines from?
Monday
I hope this news article is not talking about me.
Saturday
Friday
Photo of the Day
Thursday
The Group of Death
Group G:
Liverpool (England)
Chelsea (England)
Anderlecht (Belgium)
Real Betis (Spain)
Great. Fantastic. So now in addition of having to earn points against arguably the largest and most expensive squad in the world, we need to gain as many points as possible from arguably the 2 best squads in Pots 3 and 4. We could have drawn anyone else from those Pots and I would be happy. Even Werder Bremen, Fenerbahce, Olympiakos, or Rangers, and I at least won't be so pessimistic. But Anderlecht and Betis...not good. And we'll be playing against Chelsea so often this season we'd be reading their minds by the last game of the season against them. Of course, that can't be a bad thing...
Michael Owen, anybody?
Group G:
Liverpool (England)
Chelsea (England)
Anderlecht (Belgium)
Real Betis (Spain)
Great. Fantastic. So now in addition of having to earn points against arguably the largest and most expensive squad in the world, we need to gain as many points as possible from arguably the 2 best squads in Pots 3 and 4. We could have drawn anyone else from those Pots and I would be happy. Even Werder Bremen, Fenerbahce, Olympiakos, or Rangers, and I at least won't be so pessimistic. But Anderlecht and Betis...not good. And we'll be playing against Chelsea so often this season we'd be reading their minds by the last game of the season against them. Of course, that can't be a bad thing...
Michael Owen, anybody?
Wednesday
40 Years Into the Future...
Remote Control: *click*
Voice-over: It's Wheeeeeeel of FORTUNE!!! Now let us welcome our hosts, Pat Sajak and Vanna White!
Pat Sajak: *cough cough* Hello everyone and welcome to Wheel of Fortune. We have some good news today, Vanna's daughter gave birth again on Saturday and she's now a proud grandmother of 7. *applause* Well, it's Senior Citizens Week and we have some famous people here playing for charity. In the red corner we have...
Paris Hilton: Hi, I'm Paris *cough cough* and I'm playing today for the Society of Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. *smiles* *cough cough*
Pat Sajak: And in the yellow corner we have...
Sean Combs: *cough cough* Yo!
Pat Sajak: Mr Combs, you are playing for...
Sean Combs: Don't call me Combs, dude...call me Doody. Yeah, I changed my name again, I thought Howdy Doody was a bit long and it was getting between me and my fans, but I've shortened it to Doody now, so I'm cool. *cough cough* Anyway, today I'm playing for the Anti-Racism Movement.
Pat Sajak: And finally in the blue corner we have...
Eminem: Hey I'm *toot* Eminem, and I'm here to have a *toot*ing good time while playing for the *toot*ing Child Abuse Centre of *toot*ing America, and I'm *toot* gonna *toot* *toot* the *toot*ing *toot* *toot* *toot*. *cough cough cough cough*
Pat Sajak: And now it's time for our first puzzle, this is Before and After...
Awful Sound Effects Machine: *Ding* *Dong* *Ding* *Dong*
Vanna White: *pose*
Board: --- ----- ---- - -----
Paris Hilton: *Spins wheel* Big money, big money *cough cough* ($200) I'd like a 'z'. Can't go wrong. All words end with 'z'. *cough cough*
Awful Sound Effects Machine: *DIAAOOOUUUUWWWW*
Pat Sajak: I'm sorry, we don't have a 'z' on the board, Doody, you may spin the wheel *cough cough*
Sean Combs: *Spins wheel* *cough cough* Cummon dawg, show me the money... ($500) Yo man gimme a 'd'.
Awful Sound Effects Machine: *DIAAOOOUUUUWWWW*
Pat Sajak: I'm sorry, we don't a 'd' either. Eminem, you may spin the wheel.
Eminem: *Spins wheel* *toot* ($350) I'd like a *toot*ing 'f'.
Awful Sound Effects Machine: *BLLLLIIIIIINGGGG*
Vanna White: *pose* *cough cough*
Board: --- F---- ---- - -----
Pat Sajak: And that's $350 on the board.
Eminem: I'm gonna buy a *toot*ing vowel. *toot* 'u'.
Awful Sound Effects Machine: *BLLLLIIIIIINGGGG*
Vanna White: *pose*
Board: --- F---- ---- - --U--
Pat Sajak: You're now at $100. *cough cough*
Eminem: *spins wheel* ($500) Now I wanna *cough cough* *toot*ing 'c'.
Awful Sound Effects Machine: *DIAAOOOUUUUWWWW*
Pat Sajak: Now Paris, you have a chance to get some letters on the board.
Paris Hilton: I'd like to buy a vowel.
Pat Sajak: You can't, you have no money. *cough cough*
Paris Hilton: What do you mean I have no money? *long pause* Oh, right...*spins wheel* (Miss a Turn) Bummer...*cough cough*
Sean Combs: *spins wheel* Cummon dude... ($294.62) OK dude I wanna 'h'.
Awful Sound Effects Machine: *DIAAOOOUUUUWWWW*
Eminem: *spins wheel* ($750) I wanna *toot*ing 'd'.
Awful Sound Effects Machine: *BLLLLIIIIIINGGGG*
Vanna White: *pose*
Board: --D F---- ---- - --U--
Eminem: I wanna buy a *toot*ing 'o'.
Awful Sound Effects Machine: *BLLLLIIIIIINGGGG*
Vanna White: *pose*
Board: O-D F---- ---- - --U--
Eminem: *spins wheel* ($500) I wanna *toot*ing 'n'.
Awful Sound Effects Machine: *BLLLLIIIIIINGGGG*
Vanna White: *pose*
Board: O-D F---- ---- - --UN-
Eminem: *spins wheel* ($100) *toot* 'l'.
Awful Sound Effects Machine: *BLLLLIIIIIINGGGG*
Vanna White: *pose*
Pat Sajak: *cough cough*
Board: OLD F---- L--- - --UN-
Eminem: I'm buying a *toot*ing 'i'
Awful Sound Effects Machine: *BLLLLIIIIIINGGGG*
Vanna White: *pose*
Board: OLD F---- LI-- - --UN-
Eminem: I'm buying a *toot*ing 'e'
Awful Sound Effects Machine: *BLLLLIIIIIINGGGG*
Vanna White: *pose*
Board: OLD F---- LI-E - --UN-
Eminem: I'm gonna *toot*ing guess *cough cough*. 'Old *toot*s like a *toot*'.
Awful Sound Effects Machine: *DIAAOOOUUUUWWWW*
Pat Sajak: Oh, I'm sorry, that's incorrect. *cough cough*. Paris, you're up next.
Paris Hilton: *spins wheel* ($1000)
Pat Sajak: Wow a thousand dollars, this could be your big break...
Paris Hilton: Uh, I think I'll take a 'a'.
Pat Sajak: That's a vowel, you need to choose a consonent.
Paris Hilton: Ah, right, OK. *long pause* I'd like an 'l'. *cough cough*
Pat Sajak: I'm sorry, but 'l's are already on the board. Doody, it's your turn.
Sean Combs: *spins wheel* Yo man, big money... *cough cough*
Remote Control: *click*
Voice-over: ...has made for some astute signings by Liverpool manager Steven Gerrard. He has also managed to keep his long-serving star players, Michael Chee already committing his foreseeable future to the club after successfully defending the World Cup with Singapore with a new contract that will see him tend the posts for the Reds until...
Remote Control: *click*
Voice-over: It's Wheeeeeeel of FORTUNE!!! Now let us welcome our hosts, Pat Sajak and Vanna White!
Pat Sajak: *cough cough* Hello everyone and welcome to Wheel of Fortune. We have some good news today, Vanna's daughter gave birth again on Saturday and she's now a proud grandmother of 7. *applause* Well, it's Senior Citizens Week and we have some famous people here playing for charity. In the red corner we have...
Paris Hilton: Hi, I'm Paris *cough cough* and I'm playing today for the Society of Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. *smiles* *cough cough*
Pat Sajak: And in the yellow corner we have...
Sean Combs: *cough cough* Yo!
Pat Sajak: Mr Combs, you are playing for...
Sean Combs: Don't call me Combs, dude...call me Doody. Yeah, I changed my name again, I thought Howdy Doody was a bit long and it was getting between me and my fans, but I've shortened it to Doody now, so I'm cool. *cough cough* Anyway, today I'm playing for the Anti-Racism Movement.
Pat Sajak: And finally in the blue corner we have...
Eminem: Hey I'm *toot* Eminem, and I'm here to have a *toot*ing good time while playing for the *toot*ing Child Abuse Centre of *toot*ing America, and I'm *toot* gonna *toot* *toot* the *toot*ing *toot* *toot* *toot*. *cough cough cough cough*
Pat Sajak: And now it's time for our first puzzle, this is Before and After...
Awful Sound Effects Machine: *Ding* *Dong* *Ding* *Dong*
Vanna White: *pose*
Board: --- ----- ---- - -----
Paris Hilton: *Spins wheel* Big money, big money *cough cough* ($200) I'd like a 'z'. Can't go wrong. All words end with 'z'. *cough cough*
Awful Sound Effects Machine: *DIAAOOOUUUUWWWW*
Pat Sajak: I'm sorry, we don't have a 'z' on the board, Doody, you may spin the wheel *cough cough*
Sean Combs: *Spins wheel* *cough cough* Cummon dawg, show me the money... ($500) Yo man gimme a 'd'.
Awful Sound Effects Machine: *DIAAOOOUUUUWWWW*
Pat Sajak: I'm sorry, we don't a 'd' either. Eminem, you may spin the wheel.
Eminem: *Spins wheel* *toot* ($350) I'd like a *toot*ing 'f'.
Awful Sound Effects Machine: *BLLLLIIIIIINGGGG*
Vanna White: *pose* *cough cough*
Board: --- F---- ---- - -----
Pat Sajak: And that's $350 on the board.
Eminem: I'm gonna buy a *toot*ing vowel. *toot* 'u'.
Awful Sound Effects Machine: *BLLLLIIIIIINGGGG*
Vanna White: *pose*
Board: --- F---- ---- - --U--
Pat Sajak: You're now at $100. *cough cough*
Eminem: *spins wheel* ($500) Now I wanna *cough cough* *toot*ing 'c'.
Awful Sound Effects Machine: *DIAAOOOUUUUWWWW*
Pat Sajak: Now Paris, you have a chance to get some letters on the board.
Paris Hilton: I'd like to buy a vowel.
Pat Sajak: You can't, you have no money. *cough cough*
Paris Hilton: What do you mean I have no money? *long pause* Oh, right...*spins wheel* (Miss a Turn) Bummer...*cough cough*
Sean Combs: *spins wheel* Cummon dude... ($294.62) OK dude I wanna 'h'.
Awful Sound Effects Machine: *DIAAOOOUUUUWWWW*
Eminem: *spins wheel* ($750) I wanna *toot*ing 'd'.
Awful Sound Effects Machine: *BLLLLIIIIIINGGGG*
Vanna White: *pose*
Board: --D F---- ---- - --U--
Eminem: I wanna buy a *toot*ing 'o'.
Awful Sound Effects Machine: *BLLLLIIIIIINGGGG*
Vanna White: *pose*
Board: O-D F---- ---- - --U--
Eminem: *spins wheel* ($500) I wanna *toot*ing 'n'.
Awful Sound Effects Machine: *BLLLLIIIIIINGGGG*
Vanna White: *pose*
Board: O-D F---- ---- - --UN-
Eminem: *spins wheel* ($100) *toot* 'l'.
Awful Sound Effects Machine: *BLLLLIIIIIINGGGG*
Vanna White: *pose*
Pat Sajak: *cough cough*
Board: OLD F---- L--- - --UN-
Eminem: I'm buying a *toot*ing 'i'
Awful Sound Effects Machine: *BLLLLIIIIIINGGGG*
Vanna White: *pose*
Board: OLD F---- LI-- - --UN-
Eminem: I'm buying a *toot*ing 'e'
Awful Sound Effects Machine: *BLLLLIIIIIINGGGG*
Vanna White: *pose*
Board: OLD F---- LI-E - --UN-
Eminem: I'm gonna *toot*ing guess *cough cough*. 'Old *toot*s like a *toot*'.
Awful Sound Effects Machine: *DIAAOOOUUUUWWWW*
Pat Sajak: Oh, I'm sorry, that's incorrect. *cough cough*. Paris, you're up next.
Paris Hilton: *spins wheel* ($1000)
Pat Sajak: Wow a thousand dollars, this could be your big break...
Paris Hilton: Uh, I think I'll take a 'a'.
Pat Sajak: That's a vowel, you need to choose a consonent.
Paris Hilton: Ah, right, OK. *long pause* I'd like an 'l'. *cough cough*
Pat Sajak: I'm sorry, but 'l's are already on the board. Doody, it's your turn.
Sean Combs: *spins wheel* Yo man, big money... *cough cough*
Remote Control: *click*
Voice-over: ...has made for some astute signings by Liverpool manager Steven Gerrard. He has also managed to keep his long-serving star players, Michael Chee already committing his foreseeable future to the club after successfully defending the World Cup with Singapore with a new contract that will see him tend the posts for the Reds until...
Friday
Well well well, the dreaded entrepreneurship saga has finally eased off after a hectic week. This means that, naturally, I would only have to focus on Illustrator and Vincent for the next week, while keeping tabs for the entrepreneurship uprising which will culminate in ICA 3 early in September...
Nevertheless, amongst the hectic stress that could only be caused by an Entrepreneurship submission, Laifung produced some classic comic moments of the semester.
Laifung: We are from Zip-It and this is our business...
Mr Lam: Surely you have to greet the class first before you start your presentation, like 'Good evening'...
Laifung: Oh, OK sorry, good evening to Mr Lam and to fellow classmates. Our business...
Mr Lam: 'My name is'...
Laifung: Err...Lam Cheng En?
Mr Lam: ...
Of course, not to make fun of her, but her skill in pronunciation...or rather the lack of it...did liven up a rather dour day of presentations. So much for 'Chars and Kiss' and of course, their infamous 'Famine' line of decorations.
Also, watch this space regarding the hype surrounding my latest little venture into the literary industry...The La Bamba Code. I, of course, being the kind and generous person that I am, while also taking into consideration the fact that I'm a lazy bugger, will only launch the 1st chapter of the 'novel' at an appropriate time, and definitely not now when everybody is busy preparing for exams and obviously not looking at lame parodies online. So if you do happen to be free and wish to join in the hype, you may dust off a copy of The Da Vinci Code (either yours or someone elses, I don't really care...) and immerse yourself in the crappy nonsensity that is The Da Vinci Code.
Nevertheless, amongst the hectic stress that could only be caused by an Entrepreneurship submission, Laifung produced some classic comic moments of the semester.
Laifung: We are from Zip-It and this is our business...
Mr Lam: Surely you have to greet the class first before you start your presentation, like 'Good evening'...
Laifung: Oh, OK sorry, good evening to Mr Lam and to fellow classmates. Our business...
Mr Lam: 'My name is'...
Laifung: Err...Lam Cheng En?
Mr Lam: ...
Of course, not to make fun of her, but her skill in pronunciation...or rather the lack of it...did liven up a rather dour day of presentations. So much for 'Chars and Kiss' and of course, their infamous 'Famine' line of decorations.
Also, watch this space regarding the hype surrounding my latest little venture into the literary industry...The La Bamba Code. I, of course, being the kind and generous person that I am, while also taking into consideration the fact that I'm a lazy bugger, will only launch the 1st chapter of the 'novel' at an appropriate time, and definitely not now when everybody is busy preparing for exams and obviously not looking at lame parodies online. So if you do happen to be free and wish to join in the hype, you may dust off a copy of The Da Vinci Code (either yours or someone elses, I don't really care...) and immerse yourself in the crappy nonsensity that is The Da Vinci Code.
Thursday
AHA! NASA is SLOW!
And we thought NASA was the most high-tech thing in the world. There they are with their spaceships and shuttles and Portsmouth goalkeepers, and they can't do something that WE, yes my friends, WE, SINGAPORE, in the PRIME of our LIFE at 40 years old, we the small little dot that no one takes notice of except Malaysia, we, have managed to do.
We drink our pee on a daily basis.
And YES, my friends, our slow friends back in the US of A, they whom we thought were the best in the business, they have only RECENTLY formulated a way to drink their own pee. Yes, them Americans, AMERICANS! They have conducted breakthrough scientific experiments and made breakthrough discoveries and formulated breakthrough consumer products that I use on a daily basis, and yet they can't drink their own pee.
However, we do it so often we often take it for granted. Surely now, with NASA admitting defeat to us, Singapore, we must show our leaders some gratitude. I'm sure you will all agree with me it is only fitting that we should address letters to our neighbourhood Ministers of Parliament and state in no uncertain terms the following:
1. Dear Mr PAP Person.
2. Thank you for your foresight, which has given us the opportunity to drink our pee better than the Americans.
3. I'm sure with the great foresight of our great leaders, we will be looking forward to a much brighter future while eating our poo.
4. Therefore, I'm strongly in favour, although don't ask me of what.
If you do agree to send such a letter, do inform me beforehand, and I'll reserve a special place for you when you come into Changi Prison with me.
And we thought NASA was the most high-tech thing in the world. There they are with their spaceships and shuttles and Portsmouth goalkeepers, and they can't do something that WE, yes my friends, WE, SINGAPORE, in the PRIME of our LIFE at 40 years old, we the small little dot that no one takes notice of except Malaysia, we, have managed to do.
We drink our pee on a daily basis.
And YES, my friends, our slow friends back in the US of A, they whom we thought were the best in the business, they have only RECENTLY formulated a way to drink their own pee. Yes, them Americans, AMERICANS! They have conducted breakthrough scientific experiments and made breakthrough discoveries and formulated breakthrough consumer products that I use on a daily basis, and yet they can't drink their own pee.
However, we do it so often we often take it for granted. Surely now, with NASA admitting defeat to us, Singapore, we must show our leaders some gratitude. I'm sure you will all agree with me it is only fitting that we should address letters to our neighbourhood Ministers of Parliament and state in no uncertain terms the following:
1. Dear Mr PAP Person.
2. Thank you for your foresight, which has given us the opportunity to drink our pee better than the Americans.
3. I'm sure with the great foresight of our great leaders, we will be looking forward to a much brighter future while eating our poo.
4. Therefore, I'm strongly in favour, although don't ask me of what.
If you do agree to send such a letter, do inform me beforehand, and I'll reserve a special place for you when you come into Changi Prison with me.
Wednesday
Groovy, pops, GROOVY!
As if the week just couldn't get any better...if my body allows, I can probably make it to the Festival of Praise this Friday with all the folks, and maybe Jun can go with Ning on Saturday :p Amazing stuff He's planned...But that's not all folks, my parents have just invested in a 5 DVD set of the classic Herbie movies for my viewing pleasure. :D How about that? So now I can enjoy gems like these again...in full technicolour detail...:p
As if the week just couldn't get any better...if my body allows, I can probably make it to the Festival of Praise this Friday with all the folks, and maybe Jun can go with Ning on Saturday :p Amazing stuff He's planned...But that's not all folks, my parents have just invested in a 5 DVD set of the classic Herbie movies for my viewing pleasure. :D How about that? So now I can enjoy gems like these again...in full technicolour detail...:p
Jim Douglas: What do you know? The engine stalled.
Carole: [tries to get out] How about that? The door's stuck. That's how it is with cars sometimes. I guess we'll have to wait and see what happens next.
Jim Douglas: Well, as someone very wisely once said, "That's how it is with cars sometimes."
Carole: I just said that.
Jim Douglas: Oh.
Mr. Thorndyke: HAVE YOU GONE MAD?!?!?
Mr. Thorndyke: Well is this the morning bus to Fresno?
Jim Douglas: Thorndyke,this little car is so fast it needs three people in it just to hold it on the ground.
Mr. Thorndyke: [Looks at Tennessee] Well you certainly have picked the right crew.
Mr. Thorndyke: Havershaw....if you say the bubbles tickle your nose, I will most probably KILL YOU!
Mr. Thorndyke: HURRY UP!
Petrol Attendant: Father says hurry is waste, waste is cracked bowl which never see rice.
Mr. Thorndyke: I DON'T CARE HOW CRACKED YOUR FATHER'S RICE BOWL IS!
Mr. Thorndyke: [In a whimperish voice] Havershaw, Im not a cowardly man, but I get the feeling that thing is out to get me.
Havershaw: Now now Sir, none of that, we're not losing our nerve are we?
Mr. Thorndyke: [Suddenly in a bellowing voice] BLAST you Havershaw! How DARE you patronize me! I am NOT LOSING MY NERVE!
Havershaw: [scared voice] No sir. no sir, of course not.
Grandma Steinmetz: Oh Nicole, I want you to meet a gentleman from Mr. Hawk.
Nicole Harris: How do you do?
[Nicole punches Willoughby in the jaw, knocking him to the ground]
Wheely Applegate: [about a French man] I didn't understand what he was saying.
Jim Douglas: That's Ok. I'm sure he didn't understand what you were saying either. Come to think of it, I don't think I understood what you were saying.
Max: Patience, Quincey.
Quincey: You tell that to the guard. He'll be here in two minutes.
Jim Douglas: If there's one thing I WILL NOT tolerate it's a car falling in love with another car!
Wheely Applegate: Well what did you expect him to fall in love with, the Good Year blimp?
Erm, well, OK this wasn't a fantastic movie.
Oh ya, just remembered, thank you all for remembering me in my time of trial without my appendix. Thanks for all your prayers, I heard them and so did the Big Guy up there. I'm doing well, recovering really well and of course all praise goes to God.
