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Wednesday

Idiosyncratic Personality of the Year

...and coming in a close second is...Phua Tian Soon, with the idiosyncracy, "Can you see?"

*applause*

And the winner is...

Tuesday

DD0402 Comm Skills Cup News

The Group Draw for the Comm Skills Cup will be held live in Block M Level 6 Computer Lab during the Jeremy Sun break.  Inside info suggests the use of pots to determine the grouping, meaning that all the groups should be relatively equal.  However, this means predictability could be an issue.  We will be providing up-to-date coverage on the outcome and implications of the Group Draw.

Sunday

What We Learn After 10 Years In St. Andrew’s:

Wit.


Joshua the Manc: Why does SAS have to use Raffles Town Club as the venue [for the Graduation Dinner]?

The Khan: Because SAS is stupid.

Giant Zucchini: That makes sense in a twisted sorta way…


5 mins later...


Joshua the Manc: When I say rap I don't mean rhyming. I mean the other definition of rap.

Giant Zucchini: Melody-less singing?

Thursday

Thought of the Day…

You're writing a "gospel," a chapter each day,
By the deeds that you do, by the words that you say;
Men read what you write, whether faithless or true.
Say, what is the "gospel" according to you?
- Gilbert

Tuesday

Trophy No. 2

"We're definitely surprised, but definitely pleased. The standard in this competition is higher than our previous ones, and I think we were definitely the underdogs, being one of the youngest teams around, but we relish the underdog title. We know people will say that it's just a run of form and that it won't last through the season, but we think we've got enough quality in the squad to really challenge for more honours this season. But all in all, it's nice to have another trophy under your belt."
















The Devil's Advocate, with Errik Wong as Kevin Lomax, and Alvin Chee as Al Pacheeno.


My Tribute

How can I say thanks
For the things You have done for me,
Things so undeserved,
Yet You gave to prove Your love for me.
The voices of a million angels
Could not express my gratitude.
All that I am and ever hope to be,
I owe it all to Thee.

To God be the glory,
To God be the glory,
To God be the glory,
For the things He has done.
With His blood He has saved me,
With His power He has raised me,
To God be the glory,
For the things He has done.

Just let me live my life,
Let it be pleasing, Lord, to Thee,
And if I gain any praise,
Let it go to Calvary.
With His blood He has saved me,
With His power He has raised me,
To God be the glory,
For the things He has done.

Wednesday

VICTORY!

"I think we did well enough to win today. I think we dominated the first half, but they upped their level in the second half and gave us a late scare, but in the end we still deserved to lift the trophy. Full credit to the guys, they gave it their all, and they never gave up. But credit too to our opposition, they really fought hard and gave us a run for our money, but I think the trophy has landed in the right hands today. Our guys put in a lot of effort before today and I think it showed in our performance."













Starting 11













The complete squad, with the Green Trophy, held by Captain Errik Wong

Sunday

Live from Beijing

WARNING: POSSIBLY THE LONGEST POST ON THIS BLOG...EVER!


Day 1 – In-Flight Entertainment

So, we were watching The Island. Ewan McGregor (Abraham Lincoln Minus Fifteen Degrees Celsius) had just snuck into some dark shady place when this guy looking suspiciously like the shrink in Matchstick Men appeared with a crowbar and whacked him on the head. After which McGregor looked up and saw the man and was filled with shock. So filled with shock he had white lines across his face.

“This is your captain speaking. We will be commencing our descent on Beijing, the temperature outside is more than -15 degrees Celsius, mainly because we are still surrounded by clouds. We expect a touchdown in just about half an hour, after which we expect David Beckham to score the resulting conversion. Thank you.”

Then, amazingly, the white lines disappeared! Then he got whacked by the crowbar again.

“Na ge shi fei ji de………Xie xie.”

Obviously McGregor was very stunned. But he recovered enough composure to launch a flying kick at the bad guy and stun him instead.

“Due to our arrival in Beijing International Airport, KrisShop will be closing………cabin crew. Thank you.”

…and the bad guy flew and hit his head on some nuclear reactor or something.

“Wo men the fei ji………Xie xie.”

OK so he fell onto the floor. Well he got up again. The two of them circled each other there was some jumping and some whacking, and obviously somebody got stunned again because the white lines appeared again for what seemed like the tenth time in ten minutes.

“Due to our arrival in Beijing International Airport, KrisWorld Entertainment services will be stopping and we will have to collect your headphones………hope you have had a pleasant journey. Please continue to fly SIA.”

So then they moved on to some strangling sort of thing going on, and I think someone got his Adam’s Apple constricted, because…

“Wo men hen kuai jiu yao jiang ling zai………Xie xie.“

Then, somehow or other, like maybe when the bad guy’s head hit the reactor thingy, it created a vacuum, so that now not a sound could be heard! Wow! Physics realism! Or maybe it’s because the stewardess took my headphones away. So, anyway, right at the end the bad guy got killed anyway, because this was the final stun in the whole movie.

“Cabin crew, please be at your stations for the descent.”

And then suddenly there was this whole group of white shirt wearing people in the middle of the desert! And of course the mandatory kissing scene and the credits rolled. Not a bad show, the island. Better than the horror movie I watched before that…

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

It was SCARY! Especially that river. I call it ‘The River of Death’. And the squirrels reminded me of that scene from Lord of the Flies, even though I haven’t actually seen that scene before. But I appreciate the musical talents of the Oompa Loompas. And I want to grow to be a psychiatrist.

But I digress. We eventually landed at Beijing and were greeted in the traditional Beijing manner.

Man: Narshirshermer
Us: Huh?
Man: What is that?
Us: Oh, it’s a golf bag.
Man: OK, you may pass through. Enjoy your stay.

Of course, what he didn’t realise is that we are the infamous underworld gang known as the ‘Bak Kwa Mafia’. We had a successful smuggle this time around and brought in…well…some bak kwa. Well anyway, so we proceeded to my parents’ friend’s humble abode. Ha ha, I’m kidding of course. A better description of this is, ‘we proceeded to my parents’ friend’s huge mansion.’ We were treated to a feast by the maids (yes, TWO maids, not counting the TWO chauffeurs…and you thought I was rich…just because I have a piano…well, OK he doesn’t have a piano but that’s beside the point…), and we went to bed on a full stomach.


Day 2 – Car Wars

We were treated to yet another feast by the maids for breakfast, while Uncle Chin Leong kindly informed us that bringing in overseas newspapers from the plane was actually illegal. So we officially changed our name to the ‘Straits Times Mafia’. Anyway, I managed to get some time online while my parents were having a little chat about blogging, namely that unfortunate boy who was caught for putting racist remarks on his blog. Well, all I’ll say is that being that knowledgeable racist that I am, my personal opinion is that once Ferrari updates their car, Michael Schumacher will be unbeatable.

Talking about cars, I noticed something about cars in Beijing. It’s like they are controlled by states or something; they always have the name of a state before the brand of the car. Like Shanghai Volkswagen. Or Beijing Hyundai. It’s like they’re controlled by some state mafia or something. So every time they have a gang fight, you see kilometer-long convoys of Volkswagen Santanas with people in dark coloured jackets in them. Heck, we’re already seeing that in Beijing. Almost everybody on the roads in Beijing is driving a Volkswagen Santana, and they’re all wearing shades of black, grey, or brown. And they drive as if they’re in a gang fight. Horning is a greeting in Chinese car language. Every time the driver sees another car coming, he’ll let out a horn, and the other guy will too!

Regrettably I only managed to see the automotive side of Beijing before dinner. Before that, I was too busy trying to score against Oliver Kahn with Ronaldinho. Nevertheless, I managed to see the full brunt of it on the way to dinner. *Honk* *Honk* *Zoom!* *HOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK* *Blink blink (of the headlights)* *Blink blink (of my eyes)* *Honk*…

The dinner was OK, had a decent meal with Chin Leong’s upper class mates. Had a little chat with this little 10 year old girl by the name of Marjory (or Margery, whatever…) who, for someone living in Beijing, is incredibly Americanised. So Americanised, that in her school, the girls play soccer and the guys play basketball. Unlike in Singapore, where the guys play soccer and the girls play…well…rugby. So we had a little chat about schoolwork (ONE A.M.?!?!?!?), China traffic, and stuck-up Beemer drivers (Hur hur hur I’m not driving a Volkswagen Santana hur hur hur…). After that, quickly went to bed in preparation for the highly intense day to come…


Day 3 – The Wall

After yet ANOTHER feast for breakfast, we set off in the early hours of the morning to visit one of the most famous places in the world………Subway. We packed a few sandwiches for lunch before setting off to that place they call…the Great Wall of China. Wonderfully scenic place. A treat for all trigger happy photographers. The depth, the height, and of course taking nothing away from the climb itself. Amazing. You have to be there to really experience it. Deserves its place as one of the Seven Wonders of the World. Better than the Eiffel Tower.

So anyway, after spending some time at the Great Wall under the beautiful weather, we went back down, on this incredibly fun slide thing called the Toboggan. It was really fun sliding down in that thing, and I’m sure it helped me with my driving license. Somehow.

So anyway we made our way back to the car. Had a little picnic at the roadside, eating our Subway sandwiches and drinking tea, before setting off for the Ming tombs. Quite a cool place, especially because there I found out that my ancestors were the Emperors of the Ming Dynasty. Yeah, so I have royal blood in me. Yeah right, and here I am in a little toilet typing into my little laptop listening to Chris Tomlin through probably the crappiest speakers in the world. Yeah right I have royal blood in me. But I digress, as usual. So at the tombs I realised that the Ming Dynasty was ruled by a whole empire of Zhus. It was quite a discovery, and it made the trip worthwhile, even though I can’t quite remember anything else from the tombs other than the playing cards featuring FIFA-2003-Creation-Centre-like portraits of various Zhu Emperors.

Anyway, after that, we took a long drive to dinner, where they served great food which I am excreting at this very moment. I think you’ve lost your interest in Day 3 after that sentence…


Day 4 – English Lessons from the Summer Palace

So we got a map of the Summer Palace after buying tickets, getting haggled by money-grubbing ‘tour guides’, and basically getting lost within the first 50 metres. We eventually found out that we were standing next to the ‘Gate of the Jade Ripples’. So we went to the ‘Wenchang Gallery’ where we saw some historical stuff, before going through the ‘Wenchang Tower’ and basically getting lost again. After a bit of looking around, we realised that we were just next to the ‘Seventeen-Arch Bridge’ which led to the ‘Temple of Timely Rains and Extensive Moisture’ (I’m not kidding…) which of course we were not interested in. So we went back to walk along the ‘Long Corridor’ and passing such structures as ‘Inviting the Moon Gate’ (I’m not kidding either), ‘Facing the Gulls’, ‘Gate that Dispels the Clouds’ which was in front of ‘Glowing Clouds and Holy Land Archway’, passing the ‘Pavilion of Water and Plants’ to the ‘Tower of Hill-Lake Scenery’, before strolling through the ‘Strolling through a Picture Scroll’, before walking a long way down the steep ‘Longevity Hill’ to the narrow ‘Suzhou Street’ for lunch.

After that, we went through the ‘Tower of Dawn Light’ and gazed distantly at the ‘Chamber of Distant Gazing’ before heading southward to ‘The Palace Gate of the Garden of Harmonious Interests’ before finally reaching our last stop, the ‘Garden of Virtue and Harmony’. Sheesh. Lucky we don’t do that in Singapore. Imagine telling someone you live in the ‘Bridge of the Red Hats’ or the ‘Water of Cow Automobiles’. Shudder. I’m already having enough trouble telling people I live on Daisy Road.


Day 5 – Another Reason Why This is Called a ‘Golf Holiday’…

Actually, nothing much to blog about. Had a sumptuous breakfast (again) of mushroom dumplings before setting off for a round of golf, which took us from 12 all the way to about 5. We all had female caddies, and mine bore more than a striking resemblance to Shii Ann. I haven’t heard Shii Ann speak Chinese before, but I can tell you that my caddy did NOT speak English like Shii Ann does. So don’t worry she isn’t a spy sent by Mark Burnett because of my Survivor spoofs. After that, went for Korean BBQ for dinner. Told you there was nothing much to blog about…


Day 6 – The Island Prophecy

So, continuing from the Shii Ann clone story from yesterday…today, we played golf AGAIN at the Ming Tombs (which looked suspiciously like the desert area in The Island) and played again with female caddies. This time, my mother’s caddy bore a resemblance to Helen Jie Jie. She was a good caddy, really knew how to see the line. Anyway, as usual, playing 2-ball behind my father’s 3-ball. Then, this guy came up from behind, and we were a bit slow, so we invited him to join us on the way back to the 18th tee. He looked like a University student, tall with short cropped hair, spectacles, and a polo T-shirt tucked into a pair of pants. Something about his demeanour reminded me strongly of…Chua Joo Wei. *insert Psycho music here* Anyway, I’ll end off this expectedly short golf related post with my final score of 53-54, which summed up my game adequately.


Day 7 – Yet Another Palace…

So we woke up at an insanely early time of the morning and stuffed ourselves with goodies for breakfast (again) before basically sleeping in the car for about 3 hours as we took a little joy ride to Chengde to look at yet another of the Emperor’s many palaces. On the way, we were treated to some fine country driving (*Honk* *Honk* *Zoom!* *HOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK*) in the countryside as well as some ruins of the other side of the Great Wall, as well as a glimpse of one of the outdoor gyms around. We saw a little old woman on the stepper machine – a cheap knocked together version of the sleek, black and very very expensive version we have in Singapore indoor gyms. And only some expensive indoor gyms. So anyway, we continued sleeping on the way to that faraway place known as Chengde.

Finally, we arrived at what they called the ‘Mountain Resort’ or something like that. It was basically a less crowded version of the Summer Palace; a lot of similarly shaped buildings, similarly formed ponds, and similarly long-winded names. We engaged a tour guide while eating our lunch (Subway) inside the ‘resort’ and she showed us around with her delicate deadpan expression and sweet obviously-bored tone of voice.

On a side note, my father bought something that might be of interest to a group of people known as ‘Team Flush’…it’s a sort of clay figurine of a little boy, and it does something special when you pour water on it’s head…it pees on your foot! Isn’t that brilliant? We can make keychains and handphone attachments that pee on your foot! With the Flush logo on it! Or maybe it pees the Flush logo in mid-air! Maybe we should just stick to the soft toy urinal.

But we digress as usual. We continued walking around that resort thingy, and we eventually exited without much fuss. So we sat around and drank tea and looked for our driver. Eventually we found him, and we took a little drive down to…well…some temple. With the tour guide. So we went up and looked at various Buddha statues and basically got bored and went back down and released the tour guide from our not-so-tight grasp for a small fee. And then we started the long drive back to our lodgings and, once again, were treated to a feast for dinner.

Oh, and I managed to catch Liverpool’s 3-0 thrashing of Anderlecht on TV…man, I miss the Liverpool games…I miss The Amazing Race…I miss being up-to-date with everything…dang, I miss a lot of things back home…


Day 8 – Chairman Mao and the Adventures of the Monkey

The speakers in the Tiananmen Square set the tone perfectly for our visit to the Forbidden City.

“To visit the wax statue of Chairman Mao, please note the following. Cameras are forbidden. Backpacks are forbidden. Bottles are forbidden. Anything that can be used as a weapon is forbidden. Yes, that means your arms and legs are forbidden as well.”

So, naturally, we didn’t visit Chairman Mao’s wax statue. We just stood outside the gate and took pictures of his picture and a few Chinese words. Before we passed through the gates, we went to the toilet, where I saw this really cute soft toy monkey. I really wanted to buy it to give it away, but my father said that we could buy it somewhere else. So, naturally, we never found it anywhere else the rest of the day. It’s all Murphy’s fault.

But we digress from the issue at hand, which is the Forbidden City. Amazingly, nothing was forbidden from the Forbidden City. Maybe they should call it ‘The City’ and ‘The Forbidden Tiananmen Square with The Forbidden Statue of Chairman Mao who Forbids’. But back to the Forbidden City. We went through the gates and paid good money to see an exhibition of…comic strips. And dirty replicas of Terracotta soldiers. Then we realised something very important…

We haven’t entered the Forbidden City yet. We were still hanging around outside the City. So naturally we bought tickets and went into…well…something that looked almost like the Summer Palace. Except bigger. So we just walked through the various halls with long-winded names and said stuff like, “Oh the Emperor sat there.” “Oh, he sat there too.” “Hmm, the description says he had sex on this bed.” So we finished this one pretty quickly, mainly because we had a sinking feeling we’ve seen them all before.

So after that, we got in the car and went shopping. As I have said earlier, we couldn’t find the monkey. It’s all Murphy’s fault.


Day 9 – Tea Mania

So we were in this tea house after buying shoes. Apparently we were supposed to be there for lunch. So we sat there and ate stuff like tea biscuits, tea mooncakes, tea pastries, while I avoided the tea sweets. Oh, and we drank tea. For the first time in this whole vacation, we did not overeat. So, obviously, my parents felt it was a good idea to buy back some munchies for the guys back home. So that’s what we did. Buy back tidbits.

7 whole sacks of tidbits.

The tea ladies were running all over the shop (literally) finding enough tidbits to fulfill our inflated orders. Then it finally dawned on us…we couldn’t carry it back to the car! No worries. The marvelous tea ladies (who were incidentally all tall and skinny) brought out a TROLLEY to push all our tea stuff back to the car! That was a sight. 3 traditionally dressed Chinese ladies pushing a trolley full of sacks of tea stuff down the street to our car. Good for us, we’re leaving tomorrow.


Day 10 – Farewell

We slept especially in this morning, fully prepared for the long flight home. But, of course, before that, lunch. Once again, we were treated to another glorious meal in another high class expats-mostly restaurant. I must say, the meal was beautiful. From the veges that even Michy would eat, to the dumplings that ‘melt in your mouth’, to the classic Man Tau, which I ate an unprecedented 6 pieces. The perfect way to end off a vacation that will not be forgotten for years to come.

So we set off in the thickening fog to the Beijing airport, where we waited for our gate to open. Meanwhile, I set out looking for the monkey, or at least a possible replacement. The closest I got to was an expensive panda. -_- So obviously I didn’t buy it, so I’d have to continue looking back in Singapore. Meanwhile, sat around watching ESPN while a group of girls passed, I believe from Nanyang Girls High. Kinda reminded me of the time I was invited to come to Beijing for some Maths thing by SAS. I didn’t go, not because my Maths cannot make it, but because (I’m sure you would have guessed by now…) my Chinese was crap. So anyway, other than that, we proceeded without much incident into the cabin. So we sat in there for what seemed like hours before the plane started moving. Then stopped. Then moved again. Then stopped.

“This is your pilot speaking. We will be delaying our takeoff from Beijing because of the hazy conditions. We will take off as soon as the condition improves.”

Well, at least we took off eventually. A bit worrying at first, but eventually I settled in after we passed the hazy firmament and I saw the blue clear sky out my airline window. The rest of the flight passed without much event, while I turned on my KrisWorld Entertainment System…and watched the final half an hour of The Island which I wasn’t able to remotely enjoy on the previous flight…and found out that it wasn’t anything like I described earlier. Well, after that, still had a good lot of the trip left to waste, so I watched some Under-15 football tournament that was arranged by Man U. Pretty dazzling stuff, but not as dazzling as the scene at the airport just a few hours later…

So we got our passports stamped, and we went to collect our bags. So we went around looking for a trolley. And continued going around looking for a trolley. Remarkably, there were none in sight. Eventually we gave up and went all the way to the other side of the room to get trolleys. Naturally, being the charming and charismatic figure that I am, I was approached more than once.

“Are you using that trolley?” would be the usual remark they would throw at me. “Yes,” I would answer, and they would leave me alone, while we were left to fend for our poor luggage under the scourge of the we-like-to-huddle-in-huge-groups-and-wave-at-our-parents-while-talking-to-them-on-our-mobile-phones Secondary School girls.


Day 11 – Post-Mortem

So, the trip, and incidentally my holiday period as well, have come to an end. Well, it has been a great time, mainly because Liverpool smashed all the opposition in their way while I was in China. However, on a sad note, the Gaghans have been eliminated from The Amazing Race. :( Nevertheless, now is not the time to look back and reminisce…now is the time to look forward and speak softly with wisdom and great foresight, “Dang, I think I’m gonna die this semester…”

Until then, God Bless and His Will be done.
GZ

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