Monday
I'm BACK!!!
After yet another scare with my computer, I'm finally back online again. In addition, the killer week has passed and life is pretty much back to normal. Pretty much in the sense that it is now my term break, so I have a week to slack and basically do all the Chinese New Year stuff. Speaking of Chinese New Year, and to celebrate the end of the killer week, we have a...
FLASHBACK:
The following column was written for the Saints Times, a St. Andrew's School publication, in 2003. Needless to say, it was never published.
After yet another scare with my computer, I'm finally back online again. In addition, the killer week has passed and life is pretty much back to normal. Pretty much in the sense that it is now my term break, so I have a week to slack and basically do all the Chinese New Year stuff. Speaking of Chinese New Year, and to celebrate the end of the killer week, we have a...
FLASHBACK:
The following column was written for the Saints Times, a St. Andrew's School publication, in 2003. Needless to say, it was never published.
Uncle from the West Distributes Vegetables
By Alvin Chee, 4SE
By Alvin Chee, 4SE
Let me begin by wishing all of you a happy Chinese New Year. In other words, I wish your New Year will be very happy and very Chinese. (Note: I’m not being racist – I’m just being lame)
Yes, Chinese New Year fever is prevalent throughout most of Asia, most notably in China, where they will celebrate this year by following the time-honoured tradition of playing football with Brazil. Is that all, you ask. Far from it. They will also be fervently watching their national basketball superstar Yao Ming, who plays for the Houston Rockets, attempt to speak English.
But we are not in China. No, we are in a technologically advanced civilization which embraces the fast-paced changing environment – Saint Andrew’s School. No, seriously, what I’m trying to say is that we celebrate Chinese New Year differently. For example, 4SA honours Chinese New Year by engulfing their notice board in a sea of red, which is different from 4SE, which instead honours “John” (name changed for legal reasons) by engulfing our notice board in a sea of black. (Note: I am not being racist. I repeat, I am not being racist.)(Note to “John”: What you have just read is just a figment of your imagination. It does not exist. Now, repeat after me, “I will not kill Alvin Chee”, good boy)
But let us look at the bigger picture. How do Singaporeans celebrate Chinese New Year? From my 15 years of experience, the process goes something like this: A youth/boy/infant/foetus holds two oranges, or two orange-coloured tennis balls, and goes to a man/elderly man/very elderly man/very elderly man who coughs out blood/tombstone, and says in a loud nasal voice, “Kong See Fa Chai”, and receives a red packet, also known as a “Red Packet”, which contains money, and occasionally used tissue paper. “Kong See Fa Chai” literally means “Uncle from the West Distributes Vegetables”. Frankly, I have absolutely no idea what the connection between Chinese New Year and uncles distributing vegetables is. I attempted to do some research, and found a good website: http://www.kongseefachai.com, which explains it as such: “The page cannot be displayed. The page you are looking for is currently unavailable. The Web site might be experiencing technical difficulties, or you may need to adjust your browser settings.”
Chinese New Year is also commonly known as Lunar New Year, which I find confusing, as it gives the impression that we celebrate a new year every 27 days, which, from a student’s point of view, is very scary. Can YOU handle a major exam every 27 days?
I really wish to continue, but I am running out of space and time. No, not like I am exploring the outer limits of space and time or anything like that. I mean I have got no more space to write and no more time to do my homework. To end off, I would like to mention that since this is a school publication, I would have to end off in a default style if this article is ever going to see print, so here goes: Overall, the trip was very memorable and educational and I learnt a lot and had a lot of fun.
Yes, Chinese New Year fever is prevalent throughout most of Asia, most notably in China, where they will celebrate this year by following the time-honoured tradition of playing football with Brazil. Is that all, you ask. Far from it. They will also be fervently watching their national basketball superstar Yao Ming, who plays for the Houston Rockets, attempt to speak English.
But we are not in China. No, we are in a technologically advanced civilization which embraces the fast-paced changing environment – Saint Andrew’s School. No, seriously, what I’m trying to say is that we celebrate Chinese New Year differently. For example, 4SA honours Chinese New Year by engulfing their notice board in a sea of red, which is different from 4SE, which instead honours “John” (name changed for legal reasons) by engulfing our notice board in a sea of black. (Note: I am not being racist. I repeat, I am not being racist.)(Note to “John”: What you have just read is just a figment of your imagination. It does not exist. Now, repeat after me, “I will not kill Alvin Chee”, good boy)
But let us look at the bigger picture. How do Singaporeans celebrate Chinese New Year? From my 15 years of experience, the process goes something like this: A youth/boy/infant/foetus holds two oranges, or two orange-coloured tennis balls, and goes to a man/elderly man/very elderly man/very elderly man who coughs out blood/tombstone, and says in a loud nasal voice, “Kong See Fa Chai”, and receives a red packet, also known as a “Red Packet”, which contains money, and occasionally used tissue paper. “Kong See Fa Chai” literally means “Uncle from the West Distributes Vegetables”. Frankly, I have absolutely no idea what the connection between Chinese New Year and uncles distributing vegetables is. I attempted to do some research, and found a good website: http://www.kongseefachai.com, which explains it as such: “The page cannot be displayed. The page you are looking for is currently unavailable. The Web site might be experiencing technical difficulties, or you may need to adjust your browser settings.”
Chinese New Year is also commonly known as Lunar New Year, which I find confusing, as it gives the impression that we celebrate a new year every 27 days, which, from a student’s point of view, is very scary. Can YOU handle a major exam every 27 days?
I really wish to continue, but I am running out of space and time. No, not like I am exploring the outer limits of space and time or anything like that. I mean I have got no more space to write and no more time to do my homework. To end off, I would like to mention that since this is a school publication, I would have to end off in a default style if this article is ever going to see print, so here goes: Overall, the trip was very memorable and educational and I learnt a lot and had a lot of fun.
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